s The Mother's Day Compliment you Should Ignore -

The Mother’s Day Compliment you Should Ignore

Welcome Guest Blogger, Hannah Kallio of Toward Abundant Life

HannahK

As a mom you wear many hats, often several at once. And with Mother’s

Day coming up, well meaning people will call you a Mother/ Chef/
Nurse/ Janitor/ Personal Shopper/ Chauffeur/ Secretary/ Counselor/
Teacher/ Referee, etc.

Don’t buy it.

These task oriented titles describe what you do. But they say nothing
about who you are. And who you are is your irreplaceable
contribution.

Many women resist the notion of motherhood because they don’t want to
lose their sense of self. And I don’t blame them. Nobody wants to
become a human to-do list. But the truth is, (and you already know
this) giving birth doesn’t make you less of a person. It makes you
more.

A woman who gives birth naturally, in a safe, supportive environment,
becomes more herself. She gains self-awareness, confidence, and
becomes more comfortable in her body. I know a few women who have
managed to carry the insights they gained during birth into
motherhood. They become more fully themselves with every year of
mothering. But most of us forget, and try to contort ourselves to
meet everyone’s needs. We start to behave like robots.

Think about it: we say we love our kids unconditionally, yet we model
the belief that our worth is based on performance. And kids pick up
on that inconsistency. So acknowledging your worth isn’t just
essential for your health as a mom, it’s important for the health of
your family.

I learned this the hard way when I was bedridden during my most recent
pregnancy. Other people did the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry
and the dishes. Other people groomed my children, help them with
their schoolwork, took them to activities and ran errands. And
suddenly, I saw no reason for my existence. If someone else could do
all those jobs, I reasoned, I wasn’t really needed.

Yet even though the household machine was still running (more or less)
something was missing. It was me. Not my efficiency, but my
presence. And when I finally got out of bed and resumed my routine,
no one said, ” I’m so glad I don’t have to do your work anymore.”
They said, “It’s so good to have you back”.

We moms need to stop defining ourselves and each other by what we do.
We need to stop perpetuating the myth of the superhuman mother and
start valuing real people.

You are more than the sum of your hats.

This Mothers Day, celebrate all that you do, but don’t let it
overshadow all that you are, in your family and in the world.

About the author: Hannah Kallio helps families ignite their world
changing spark. She blogs at http://towardabundantlife.wordpress.com/

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2 Responses to “The Mother’s Day Compliment you Should Ignore”

  1. Karen Taggart May 9, 2013 at 11:49 am #

    Ooh! I love this! I am a “human to do list” (I have sort of a “list” addiction, but that’s a topic for another day). 🙂

    I especially like “They become more fully themselves with every year of mothering”. As an “AMA” mom (advanced maternal age – geez), I find the idea of becoming more fully myself very fascinating. My daughter is now 2 and I have definitely noticed that every few months or so I feel a little more like “OK, I’ve got this”. Finding the right balance of what I need to be the best mom I can be is tricky to do without the accompanying guilt we are made to feel. But I have come to realize that if working from home part-time makes me a happier person…then that makes me a better mom AND wife/friend.

    I am a good mom who has some bad days. BIG DEAL! I just strive to have more good days than bad, more smiles than frowns, and more joy than anger.

    • NichiHirsch May 9, 2013 at 1:33 pm #

      Karen-this really hit home for me as well. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I, too, have found that working from home is a better fit for me. Because I am disciplined I can complete the tasks at hand while making time to load the laundry, put away the dishes and exercise before getting on the next coaching call.

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